


Mending a Cracked Soul

by female_overlord_3



Series: I'm an Empath bitch! [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x18 Awake, Actually Feels with a Happy Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arise, F/M, Fix-It, Freaking Communication, I love my child Suman, M/M, like later phrases and words said being used now, minor spoilers?, or Be Forever Fallen, show watchers will know, they get stuff done, those not watching enjoy feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-31 01:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12121143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/female_overlord_3/pseuds/female_overlord_3
Summary: “Talk. Fix it now. No I won’t be able to handle this. FIX IT. PLEASE. Stop being stupid and just- talking and communicating okay. Good. We’re gonna just- train? Yes Jace or Izzy teach me how to kick.”  Suman pushes everyone out and closes the door behind them before etching about four lock runes and nodding at their work. “No portaling!”





	Mending a Cracked Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MuscleMemory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuscleMemory/gifts), [Angelwithwingsoffire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelwithwingsoffire/gifts), [AlxSteele](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/gifts), [RedEmerald](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedEmerald/gifts), [Nan_ette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nan_ette/gifts).



> SUMAN GET'S STUFF DONE OKAY AND YES I LOVED MALEC ENDING THEIR PAUSE ( **CAUSE IT WAS A PAUSE GODDAMIT TAKE THIS FACT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS** ) BUT IT HURT. I THOUGHT WHY NOT HAVE MY OWN GO AT IT.
> 
>  
> 
> *Me trying to be as close to canon as I can before doing my own thing!* This happens right after they all just figured out the Mortal Mirror is!
> 
> ****SHAY TAKE THIS I'M STILL MAD

Breezing through another learning guide Magnus found them last week in their room, a sharp pain hits Suman and it slowly builds until their whole body goes numb with it. Eventually it stops, leaving Suman gasping as they stand on shaky legs to find their phone.

Something happened, something really bad because now they’re filled with utter misery and despair, so much pain it’s crushing. It’s almost like…. Oh on.

Suman dials Magnus first but it quickly goes to voicemail. They do the same for Alec and it feels like forever before they get Alec’s voice on the other line. “Suman, what is it? We said this was-”

“Did someone die! Alec is someone hurt? I- something so bad happened it was strong enough that I could feel it from here in the Institute and I know Max was hurt but-” They’re frantically pacing the room before thinking screw it and leaving to find the others. Alec’s voice sounds a bit rough and if Suman concentrates hard enough, they can try to pick up on what he’s feeling right now. “I- Max is fine, he made it.” Alec answers causing Suman to pause in confusion. Alec sounds sad but he’s hiding it well and they can almost feel it through the phone.

“I’m really not okay with what just happened I’m going to you.” They decide, hoping they won’t get too lost this time.

Alec sighs and it just makes Suman worry increase. “I’ll be in my office with the others.” Yes a place they do know how to get to!

The despair and pain has faded but it still lingers and it just makes their feet speed up. They finally get to the right door and just burst in. “Something’s wrong I have no idea what but something bad happened and it hurts, someone hurts and-” Suman almost stumbles from stopping so fast as they stare straight at Alec.

Alec tries to stare them down but quickly looks to his feet. “Alec. The pain- I-” Without thinking Suman walks to him and presses a hand to his chest, right over his heart and the pain increase tenfold before everything goes black.

~

Everything feels… numb. Blinking their eyes open, Suman looks around disoriented and finds they’re laying on a couch with everyone looking at them in concern. Why are they numb?

Blinking again Suman see’s a blue glow flutter over her. “Magnus?” They croak out.

He gives them a strained smile. “Hey little Dove. What did we say about touching others, especially those with intense emotions?” He questions as his magic stops and carefully helps them up.

“Not to but- I wasn’t even thinking and it was so much.” Tears start to fall as their empathy feeds off of the two people whose emotions they can’t block out even with Magnus’ help. “A cracked soul.”

Magnus and Alec look away. No Suman doesn’t like this. Nope no it’s not happening. They quickly get up and ignore the dizziness as they grab onto Izzy, Clary and Jace to steer them out.

“Talk. Fix it now. No I won’t be able to handle this. FIX IT. PLEASE. Stop being stupid and just- talking and communicating okay. Good. We’re gonna just- train? Yes Jace or Izzy teach me how to kick.”  Suman pushes everyone out and closes the door behind them before etching about four lock runes and nodding at their work. “No portaling!” They yell before heading towards the training room, the others following behind them in a state of shock.

Deeming their clothes acceptable for training, Suman goes over to claim an area of the room. “If you can’t figure it out then i’m giving you guys too much credit. Train me please I need to burn off all these emotions and actually learn to fight.” Izzy and Jace share a look then look to Clary who just shrugs and removes her jacket. “Alright what do you already know?”

~

Magnus lowers his raised hands at Suman’s order, annoyed by how much power their- his, his little Dove has over him now. Well if he can’t portal then he can… the doors locked. The strong hum of angelic energy answers how. “It seems we’re stuck here unless I want to make Suman angry, which I don’t.” He keeps his eyes roaming the room, trying to avoid the other person as best he can. Suman’s words won’t leave his thoughts which leads to other thoughts and he was trying to avoid this!

Magnus is trying to do what’s best for his people, to make sure they’re safe and protected because it’s his job and now with the Soul Sword missing, probably with that psycho, he needs to do everything he can to prevent what happened at the Institute from repeating. The sword may be deactivated but even Magnus knows how powerful the Mortal Instruments are and if the legends are true: no Downworlder is safe.

Magnus meant it when he told Alec he loves him, how can he not love the person who completes his soul, but he had difficult decisions to make and he made them. He still regrets it, the decision of letting Alec go but it had to be done. Alec should understand that, he should get why Magnus had to do it. He wished he didn’t have to decide, that the idea of the Seelie Queen herself saying she’ll help them wasn’t so appealing but it is and with the remaining Warlocks in this city dwindling, what else can he do?

Alec isn’t faring any better. He remains frozen where he stands and all these words are fighting to get out, for Magnus to know how sorry he is, that he want’s to find a way to make this work, to just talk more and figure this out. If they really can’t be together after talking then Alec will let him go.

It’ll hurt and he doesn’t know how he’ll get through it, but if it’s what Magnus needs then he’ll do it.

What did Suman say, a cracked soul? Why does that sound so accurate _Raziel_ it’s just like his weakened parabatai bond all over again, why does he keep letting this happen.

Alec’s tried to bury all his emotions after Magnus left, so many that he just barely got them all under control so he can remain the cool headed leader and figure out what to do about Sebastian and everything but- even if Magnus is mad at him, doesn’t trust or want him anymore, he’s still someone he can let his guard down with. He doesn’t even notice when tears start falling, the ones he didn’t let fall before just come spilling out and he turns away so Magnus doesn’t see.

He shouldn’t be crying, he needs to say something, anything or Magnus is going to leave again, leave him possibly forever after things just started to become good and Alec was finally happy. Taking a deep breath, he tries to compose himself and quickly wipes the tears away.

“Magnus can we- can we just talk please.” Magnus finally look to him but Alec keeps his back turned as he starts speaking. “I know you said your peace and- I get it I do, it’s your people and you’re their leader but…” He trails off unsure how to word what he wants to say, how to say it. The growing protest of asking Magnus to think about them, of him, slows at the realization that he’s being selfish if he were to do such a thing.

With a sigh all the tension from before leaves his stiff shoulders and he slumps forward, unsure if it’s in acceptance or defeat. Probably both. “If you really think the Seelie Queen can provide you the help you need, that you can fully trust and know full well what you’re agreeing to with her then I won’t stand in your way.” He finally turns around to face Magnus, hating the feeling of this being a goodbye all over again or worse: an end.

“Do you believe that this is the right decision to make?” He questions as thoughts of Magnus regretting this if the Queen changes her mind, of this hurting both Magnus and his people, hurting Madzie who he’s only just started to see again.

Magnus remains quiet, the thoughts of uncertainty plaguing him like they did before. Magnus knows well enough that you should never truly trust a Seelie, even less the Queen but she has power, knowledge, even her own army; with her support things might not turn out as bad.

But… Lucian rejected her offer and so did Raphael, even he still hesitates to accept.

Magnus looks up cautiously to meet Alec’s gaze, a stab of pain to see how hurt and sad he looks but quickly tries to push that away. “I- i’m not sure but if she can really help then I will accept her offer. Seelies always choose the winning side.”

_The winning side_

This thought brings forth so many others but the one that stays with Magnus the most is the thought of Alec not being on the winning side, of Raphael, Lucian, anyone that doesn’t side with the Seelies being on the losing side.

Even if the Seelie Queen was powerful enough to move everyone to another dimension, it would be under her rule and the only way she would truly be on the winning side is-

With eyes squeezed tight Magnus shakes his head sharply. “No, no I can’t. I didn’t think- I should have realized- dear god what did I almost do.” Magnus sinks into one of the chairs and still Alec cannot be in fond awe of how graceful he is, so lovely but he easily saves those thoughts for later because Magnus is distressed and that takes priority now.

“Magnus? What is is, what did you realize?” Alec hesitates as he moves to kneel before him, like he did before when Magnus revealed his past to him, when Magnus trusted him. His hands hover uselessly in front of him unsure if he should comfort him or if Magnus even wants comfort from him so he waits and sees.

Magnus doesn’t want to voice what he just stumbled upon, no matter how theoretical, because if he’s right and this actually happens then no one is truly safe. Blinking his eyes open he’s greeted by a concerned Alec kneeling in front of him, a strong wave of deja vu hitting him because it’s just like before but this time Magnus knows Alec won’t think less of him or judge him.

He feels a hand rest lightly on his knee almost barely touching and Magnus can see how uncertain Alec looks, ready to move his hand away if it’s unwanted. With a sigh Magnus lets his shoulder relax and lays his hand over Alec’s, using the other to gently cup his face. Something settles in him when Alec presses against it and everything feels a little bit okay again. “I need to apologize i’ve been so-” “No you don’t.” Alec protests. “It’s been really messy with everything and we just keep facing one thing after another.” Magnus squeezes the hand on his knee. “It’s been alot.” He adds.

“We’ve both been under a lot of pressure and if one of us should be apologizing it should be-.” Alec starts but Magnus stops him with soft but firm tilt to pull his head closer. “No apologies, from either side. About the soul sword, what’s happening, or about picking a side.” Magnus keeps his voice firm, leaving little to no room for argument. Alec nods in understanding but still feels like he hasn’t said enough to warrant Magnus’ forgiveness. He can get a sense that Magnus can tell he still has something to say, that he still needs to say something but Magnus easily quells those fickle notions.

“Alexander.” By the Angel did Alec not realize how much he feared of never hearing Magnus call him by his full name. “I forgive you.” Magnus says with such care and declaration. “I may not have agreed to you waiting to tell me once you knew the truth about this stupid sword, but I do get why you withheld it and i’m going to accept the hope that you would have told me eventually. I was just a bit blindsided by Lucian telling me and I know i’ve been a bit sensitive from previous events.”

Alec takes ahold of the hand cupping his face and presses is closer with his. “I was going to tell you, I wanted to so badly but I didn’t want to burden you with this knowledge or have you worried because again the Clave lied and now you’re in danger; you and everyone are in danger even if the sword is deactivated. The only person I told was Izzy because I can’t keep anything from her and she’s always been the one to help me make sense of what I should do. My own father was reluctant to tell me and he made it clear that if word got out it would cause a panic.”

A small weight lifts from Alec’s chest as he finally gets to lay everything out. “I should have told you, before Izzy because this was about you and your people. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, I do wholeheartedly, I was just so unsure of what would happen if I did tell you then someone would find out and it wasn’t even that. I didn’t want to think about this psycho having that sword again, having a way to finally achieve his goal of wiping out the Downworlders; wiping out you.”

Both of Alec’s hands tighten onto Magnus, the fear he’s tried to placate becoming too much after almost losing him. He’s only just found Magnus, they really haven’t been together for too long but it’s something Alec doesn’t think he could live without. “Magnus I don’t think I can live without you.” He whispers softly.

Alec feels like these words should shock him, be too soon but like everything with Magnus, it feels right.

Magnus just stares amazed as always at the incredible man that seems to finding new ways to make him speechless. He doesn’t know what to say so he simply does, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, Alec moving as if he already knows what Magnus is asking of him. They both let out a shuddering sigh at the feel of contact with their eyes closed as they bask in being close and connected.

“I thought,” Magnus whispers, keeping his voice as soft and low as Alec had. “That I had to choose between you and the Downworld but I don’t.” He opens his eyes to gaze lovingly at Alec with a small smile on his face. “A wise man once told me ‘Relationships take effort’” A small huff escapes past Alec’s lips. “Well that was an understatement.” Alec opens his eyes to see Magnus and they both chuckle quietly, not wanting to end this almost perfect moment. _Almost_.

Magnus swallows as he continues to stare at Alec. “You know something that’s not an understatement?” He breathes and Alec’s own breath hitches at what’s coming.  

Magnus gently tils Alec’s head as they lean in for a soft kiss, filled with relief and promise. The light brush of lips mends something deep inside them as they continue to kiss, staying simple and chaste in the quiet moment.

~

Right before Suman is able to block Izzy’s kick, the unease disappears and the familiar sensation of an all encompassing love replaces it. Sadly the distraction caused Izzy’s kick to connect and they’re falling back onto the training mat. Everyone concerned quickly goes to check if they’re okay but are met with a very delighted and easy smile.

Everyone seems to sigh in relief as all the tension leaves their bodies. Jace extends a hand to help Suman up. “It’s fixed?” He regards them with hopeful and worried eyes, Clary and Izzy mirroring his expression. Suman just smiles brighter as she flips him on his back. Jace lets out a surprised _oof_ before smiling. Suman sits crossed leg near his head. “Yup all fixed.” 

~

Eventually Alec and Magnus move on from kissing to cuddling, trying to fit their very large adult bodies on the small couch Alec is somewhat thankful he kept. Laying on their sides with Magnus a few scant inches high than Alec so he’s curled around the Shadowhunter and almost falling off the side, Alec’s back to the couch as he presses his face into the space between the couch cushions and Magnus’ shoulder. His light breathing prickles the bare skin of Magnus’ neck which Magnus enjoys and has missed, one of Alec’s hands is covered with Magnus’ as it rest against the Warlock’s chest right over his heart. Alec’s other hand rests on Magnus’ hip while Magnus lets his remaining hand comb through the short hairs on Alec’s neck. They’ve left their shoes on knowing they might be needed at a moments notice and this is Alec’s office; he can do what he wants.  

After a few blessful minutes of quiet contentment in each other’s arms, the theory Magnus stumbled upon, because even though it may be wrong there’s not much evidence against it, Magnus decided he should tell Alec what he believes the Seelie Queen might be planning on doing.

Regretting leaving the too perfect moment of Alec pressed against him, Magnus shifts back and almost falls off if it wasn’t for Alec’s hand holding his hip.

“I could make this couch bigger Alexander.” A small laugh leaves his lips as they try to reposition themselves. Alec grumbles as he stops Magnus and flips them gracefully so that Magnus is lying atop him,  making it easy to wrap his arms around Magnus’ waist and hold him close. “You’re the one who moved so you can’t complain.” Alec lets out a sigh and settles into the couch.

Magnus rests his hands against Alec’s chest trying to will himself to speak. A hand moves slowly up and down his back in soothing motions that start to make Magnus drowsy. “Mhhh Alexander i’m gonna fall asleep.” Trying to blink away the sleep pulling him under he arches up and folds his to use them as a headrest. Now like this he can look at Alec and actually talk to him. Alec has his eyes closed and a subtle smile curling at the ends of his mouth. Magnus sighs with remorse knowing this happy look will leave Alec’s face.

“Alexander.” Alec humms in answer. “Before… I had a thought and that thought lead to a certain...realization.” Hazel eyes blink open giving him their full attention. Magnus breath makes a small inaudible hitch and he glances away from those deep seeing eyes before looking back. “When I said ‘Seelies always pick the winning side’ it made me realize that since the Seelie Queen has been trying to gain other Downworlders support and excluding the nephilim… she might try and join the side she believes will win…. Valentines side.”

With a resigned sigh Alec pulls Magnus back down and tries to get his thoughts in order. “I don’t think you’re wrong, it’s a possibility I had to think about- no disrespect to the Seelies- but like you said and everyone knows; Seelies pick the winning side.” Alec pauses and gives that statement a little more thought. “They might switch of course cause even they can’t be so certain but I honestly don’t believe this man will win.” “He won’t because we won’t let him.” Magnus vows. They hold each other closer. “No we won’t.”

Of course that’s exactly when the alarms start blaring and shit starts happening.

**Author's Note:**

> Fix it episode for 19: Same thing but Suman joins them and helps Alec and Clary with the forsaken. No “Magnus and Queen against Alec” and idk maybe I might see how this would have changed 2x20! THAT’S A MAYBE! Kinda have an idea for 2x20 and how Suman's gonna be badass!


End file.
